


Flowers

by LauIsVeryCold



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Friends, F/F, Fem!John - Freeform, Fem!Sherlock, Genderswap, Kid!Lock, Multi, Trigger warning: Eating disorder, fem!lock, trigger warning: bullying, trigger warning: mild homophobia, trigger warning: smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 07:48:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12744087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LauIsVeryCold/pseuds/LauIsVeryCold
Summary: Willow Sherlock Scott Holmes and Joan Hannah Watson have been friends for as long as they can remember. They do everything together: play by the river, go to school for the first time and take care of each other when they're sick. Will their friendship survive the challenges of growing up or will they drift apart. Or will something else happen to their relationship.ATTENTION: This story is not finished yet and I'm not sure if I want to. If you like it so far please let me know so I know if I should continue or not.





	1. The river (childhood)

**Author's Note:**

> Sherlock Holmes= Willow Sherlock Scott Holmes  
> John Watson= Joan Hannah "John" Watson  
> Greg Lestrade= Georgie Lestrade  
> Mycroft Holmes= Mycroft Lestrade  
> Molly Hooper= Mark Hooper  
> Jim Moriarty= Jennifer Moriarty  
> Mary Morstan= Joseph Morstan  
> Mrs. Hudson= Mr. Hudson  
> Philip Anderson= Philly Anderson  
> Sally Donovan= Sander Donovan  
> Sarah Sawyer= Seth Sawyer  
> Irene Adler= Miran Adler  
> Charles Magnussen= Caroline August Magnussen  
> Janine Hawkins= Jean Hawkings  
> Harry Watson= Harry Watson  
> Sherrinford Holmes= Sherrinford Holmes (this was written before s4)

“Sherlock! Look what I made for you!” John shouts while running over the playground to Sherlock. Out of breath and panting she arrives at the swings. Her long blonde hair is messy and her clothes dirty.  
“You went to the river again”, Sherlock notices.  
“Yes, but don’t tell my mom. Please?”  
“I won’t tell. What did make for me?” Sherlock stands up.  
John shows her hands, which had been behind her back the whole time. In her hands is a flower bracelet. Purple flowers were tied together to make a circle.  
Sherlock gasps. “Thank you!” she says happily. She hugs her best friend tightly before trying on the bracelet.  
“I know you like purple”, John says shyly.   
“It’s my favourite colour”, Sherlock says. “Now I want to make you something. Come!” She grabs John’s hand and pulls her along to the river where lots of flowers grow.  
“What are you going to make me?” John asks curiously.  
Sherlock stops and looks at John. “I’m going to turn you into a flower princess!”  
John’s mouth falls open. “Really?”  
“Yes!” Sherlock gets a hairband from her pocket and braids John’s hair. “Wait here”, she says. John sits down in the grass while Sherlock walks away to pick flowers. The riverbank looks like a fairy tale land, she often pretends it actually is and that she’s the princess. Sherlock finds the flowers she’s looking for, blue ones and pink ones and purple ones and big ones and small ones, all kinds of flowers. Sherlock’s hands are now dirty. It doesn’t matter to her. She skips over to John who is still waiting.  
“I am going to put the flowers in your hair so you have to sit still”, Sherlock says to John.  
“Okay”, John answers. She has a smile from ear to ear and her eyes twinkle. Sherlock sits down on her knees and puts the flowers in John’s braid. It looks perfect.  
“Done!” Sherlock says proudly.  
John carefully feels the braid and the flowers. “Thank you, Sherlock”, she says as she hugs the brown-haired girl.  
“John, where are you?” The girls hear in the distance.   
“Oh no. It’s my mom. What do I do?” John whispers in panic.  
“Follow me”, Sherlock whispers back. She holds John’s hand as they walk past the water through the high grass and the flowers.  
“Now to the right”, Sherlock says to John.  
“Where are we going?” John asks.  
“If we go this way and walk back the playground it will look like we came from the oak trees. This way your mom will never know that we were near the river.” Sherlock answers.  
“That’s amazing! How did you come up with that?”  
“I don’t know. I just found this path one day”, Sherlock says. They are now on the street.   
“John, you better not be near the water again!” John’s mom calls.  
“Quick, my mom is getting angry!” John cries out.  
Together they run around the corner to the playground where John’s mom is standing.  
“Joan Hannah Watson, come here! You went to the river again, didn’t you? You’re all dirty and why are there flowers in your hair? Let’s go home, dinner is ready and you need a bath. Say bye to your friend, John” John’s mom doesn’t look happy. She used to be nice, until Harry kissed a boy.  
“Bye, Sherlock.” John hugs her.  
“Goodbye, flower princess”, Sherlock giggles.  
John’s mom puts her hand on John’s shoulder and pulls her with her, leaving Sherlock alone. The playground is almost empty at this time of day, because everyone is having dinner. Sherlock walks home. She fiddles with her flower bracelet. The way home isn’t long, but it seems so when you’re alone. Sherlock is sad that her plan didn’t work, John’s mom saw how dirty they are and knew where they had been. 

“I’m home!” Sherlock calls as she walks in.  
“Hello, Willow! I’m in the kitchen. Come give me a kiss”, Sherlock’s mom calls. Sherlock cringes at that name, Willow. She hates it.  
“I’ll give you a kiss if you stop calling me Willow”, Sherlock says.  
“It’s your name get over it, love”, mummy sighs.  
“Willow is a stupid name!” Sherlock is getting angry now.  
“I agree”, Mycroft says. Sherlock jumps. She hadn’t noticed her sister creeping up behind her.  
“Really? You agree with me?” She questions.  
“Yes, Scott is a way better name!” Mycroft laughs.   
Sherlock hits her older sister on the arm. “I hate you”.   
“Willow, don’t hit your sister. Mycroft, don’t tease your sister like that”, mummy says with a strict look. “Mycroft, will you set the table. Dinner is almost ready. Willow go get daddy from his study, okay? No more fighting”.   
“Okay”, Sherlock and Mycroft sigh at the same time.  
“Willow, clean yourself up a little before dinner”, mummy adds.  
Mycroft and Sherlock turn around to do what mummy told them to.

The whole Holmes-family is sitting at the table for dinner. Mummy made broccoli with cheese and a piece of meat for everyone.  
“Willow, what is that on your wrist?” daddy asks. He points at the flower bracelet John gave to Sherlock.  
“It’s a bracelet! John made it for me, so I braided her hair with flowers. She looked beautiful, but her mom didn’t agree. She got angry”, Sherlock tells.   
“You’re wasting your time braiding hair and playing with flowers”, Mycroft says.   
“Let her be, Mycroft. She’s only a child”, daddy says to Mycroft, and to Sherlock he says: “John’s mom doesn’t like it when you two get dirty. You can’t play near the river again.”  
“But daddy!”  
“It’s dangerous there. Why don’t you play with dolls or something? Maybe you and John can draw or craft together? There are lots of thing you can do without getting dirty”, daddy closes the discussion.  
“It’s not fair”, Sherlock mumbles to her food.

Sherlock is the first one to awake, she usually is. The house is still dark and quiet. She tiptoes downstairs to the living room. Not sure what to do with herself, she stands still in the middle of it. The wind is blowing outside, but she can only hear it softly. The walls of the house protect her. Sherlock never understood why she can’t go outside in the dark. She’s big enough now, she won’t get lost. Why would there be a problem?  
The girl sits down on the ground and sighs. It’s moments like this when she questions things. Sherlock likes thinking. What if there is more to life than school and boring jobs or being a mom. The room is filled with little sounds; Sherlock’s heartbeat, a fly in the kitchen, the wind and breathing. Maybe this is what life is meant to be; a room, it seems quiet, but if you listen carefully, you will hear so many sounds.


	2. Caroline (childhood)

“John, come on! They won’t find out.” Sherlock pulls John’s hand. She wants to go to the river again.  
“That’s what you said last time and my mom found out anyways”, John answers. She pulls her hand back.  
Sherlock looks at the ground. “Fine. What do you want to do?”  
“I don’t know. My mom said we should play with dolls, but I don’t want to”, John says. She looks sad.  
“Maybe we can spy on someone again? That’s always funny”, Sherlock laughs at her own idea. They have spied on people before and it was always a lot of fun.  
John’s eyes light up. “Yes! Who should we spy on?”  
Sherlock looks around the playground. “Georgina Lestrade”, she decides.  
John giggles. “I think you mean Georgie Lestrade.”  
Sherlock looks away. She always gets that name wrong.  
“What are you waiting for? Let’s go the bushes and hide”, John whispers to Sherlock. She runs away.  
Her pink dress is too bright for spying, Sherlock sees. She runs after John. “John, your dress, Ginny will see us”.  
“You mean Georgie?”  
Sherlock doesn’t react to John’s comment. “You need to change clothes if we want to spy on her. We can’t do it like this.” Sherlock feels the soft fabric of the bright pink dress. Why is John wearing that thing anyways? She doesn’t even like dresses.  
John’s face falls. “I can’t change. I promised my mom to wear this and to not get it dirty. We have to play something else”, she says.  
They both look around the playground to see if there’s something else to do.  
“I saw on the television that if you put flowers in a book, they will dry and be beautiful for ever”, Sherlock remembers.  
John’s mouth falls open and her blue eyes widen. “Really? We have to try that!” She can barely contain her excitement as the girls walk to the road next to the river. There are lots of flowers there.  
“We can’t go near the water, but if we stay here we can pick flowers without getting dirty”, Sherlock says to John.  
They pick flowers and neither of them gets dirty. John’s dress is still bright pink and Sherlock’s jeans are still blue.  
“Let’s go to your home to put the flowers in books”, John says. “My mom would never approve of it”.

When Sherlock and John arrive, only mummy is home and she’s working in the garden so she’s not paying attention to what the girls are doing.  
A lot of books in Sherlock’s house now have a flower hidden in them. Sherlock chose books that none of her family members ever read. This way they will never find out about the flowers.  
Just as Sherlock sits down on the floor next to John again, the door opens. Mummy comes in.  
“Hello girls. Do you want something to drink?” Mummy asks John and Sherlock.  
“Yes, please”, John answers politely. She stands up and walks to the kitchen. Sherlock follows.  
“What a beautiful dress, Joan. You look like a princess.” Mummy keeps talking while making lemonade. “Do you also want something to eat? I have strawberries.”  
“I love strawberries!” Sherlock says happily.  
“I know you do, love”, mummy says and she gives Sherlock a kiss on the top of her head.

‘Shall we go outside again?” Sherlock asks John with red juice around her mouth. The strawberries stain.  
“Clean your face first, love”, mummy laughs. She gets a napkin and cleans Sherlock’s mouth then she gets another napkin and cleans John’s mouth.  
Sherlock gives mummy a kiss on her cheek. She grabs John’s hand and they run outside.  
“The first one to touch the slide wins!” Sherlock screams and she runs away. John follows her almost as fast. Harder and harder they run. Bang! Sherlock falls to the ground. She sticks her hands forwards to break the fall and skips a few times before coming to a stop.  
“Sherlock!” John shouts. She stops running and kneels next to her friend. “Are you okay? Sherlock?”  
Sharp pain comes from Sherlock’s hands and knees. She sits up a bit. Her eyes are watery. There is blood coming out of the wounds.  
John gasps. “You’re bleeding.”  
Sherlock can’t say anything. Tears roll down her face and she sobs. The dirt in her wounds sting.  
A shadow falls over the two girls. “Look who we have here: a Barbie-princess and a cry baby! What are you crying about now, Willow?” A tall girl with dirty blonde hair stands in front of Sherlock. Caroline laughs. She looks behind her to her friend Jean, who laughs too. She leans forward to Sherlock a bit and says in a voice as if she’s talking to a baby: “Did you fall, Willow? Does it hurt? Aw, poor baby. Shall I get your mummy?”  
Jean laughs and pulls John’s ponytail.  
“Aw, that hurts! Stop it! Leave us alone!” John stands up with an angry face. “I’m going to tell your mum if you don’t stop now!” She threatens.  
“I’m not scared of you. You’re a Barbie doll and Willow is stupid. Come on, Jean. Let’s get away from these losers”, Caroline says. She turns around and pulls Jean with her to the playground.  
“Don’t listen to them, Sherlock. They are just stupid bullies,” John says. She helps Sherlock up. “Let’s go to your home”.  
Together they walk to Sherlock’s home.  
John knock on the door. “Sherlock’s mum! Please open the door!” she knock harder.  
The door opens and mummy comes out. “What is all that noise- Willow? You’re hurt! Come in, love. You too, John. Come sit over here, Willow.”  
Mummy sits Sherlock down on a chair. John stands awkwardly next to the scene while mummy takes care of Sherlock’s wounds, Sherlock looks at John. There are tears in John’s eyes. Is that because of what Caroline said? Sherlock is used to being called stupid. She knows she’s stupid. John deserves better than being called a Barbie doll, she’s a real person. She’s a special and kind person.

Mummy is tucking Sherlock into bed. Mycroft and daddy are still downstairs.  
“Mummy, why can’t I stay up? I’m not even tired yet”, Sherlock asks mummy.  
“You have school tomorrow, love”, mummy says. She gives Sherlock a kiss on her forehead.  
Sherlock sighs. “I don’t want to go to school, mummy.”  
“Why not? Isn’t school fun? You’ll see John again tomorrow.”  
“I don’t like school. There are too many children there”, Sherlock tells. She doesn’t want to tell about Caroline and Jean. She should talk to Mycroft about that.  
“Well, I can’t help you. You just have to go to school. Maybe you could try to make more friends”, mummy says as if it’s that easy. She’s not someone you can just ask for help.


	3. Love (preteens)

John and Sherlock walk into the classroom, straight to their seats in the back of the room. Sherlock notices Jane sitting in the front of the room. She’s so beautiful.  
Gretchen walk to Sherlock and John. She is holding Sander’s hand. “Hello John, hello Willow.”  
“Good morning, Georgie”, John answers. Luckily for Sherlock, John had remembered her name.  
“I’m so excited for today!” Georgie says with a big smile.  
“Yeah, me too. I wonder what he will be like”, John says with an equally big smile. She’s referring to the new teacher who is going to start today.  
“New teachers are always scary. What if he’s mean?” Sander wonders.  
“He’s not.” Jane suddenly says. She had walked up to them without anyone noticing.  
“How do you know that?” John questions with a disgusted face. She hates Jane.  
“Because saw the new teacher yesterday”, Jane answers John. She’s never really mean, but never really nice. You can’t hate her, but you can’t love her either. She’s confusing.  
The door of the classroom opens. A man comes in. He looks nice, but old. His grey hair is parted in the middle and he has lines around is mouth and eyes. “Return to your seats children. I’ll introduce myself first”, the man speaks. He sounds nice.  
Everyone says bye and sits down on their chair. Sherlock and John look at each other. They are both curious.  
“My name is Mister Hudson”, the man says. He writes his name on the board in the front of the classroom. His handwriting is neat. “Now I’m going to read your names from the list to see if everyone is here today and then we’re going to get to know each other better, okay?”  
The class nods.  
“Good”, Mister Hudson carries on talking. He picks up the list with names and reads them out loud. Every time he says a name a child says yes to let him know that they are there. “All right,” Mister Hudson says. “Now let’s get to know each other. Who here has a pet?”  
Several children raise their hand. Sherlock looks down. She lost her dog Redbeard so long ago, but it still hurt. Not long after Redbeard, Sherrinford died too. Sherlock was 3 years old when it happened and no one ever told her what really happened to her sister. Sherlock feels someone staring at her. She look up and sees Jane smirking at her. Jane knows.

John and Sherlock are walking home after school that day.  
Sherlock feels upset and walks in a fast pace.  
John has to jog to keep up with Sherlock. “Sherlock, wait for me.” She grabs Sherlock’s hand and holds Sherlock’s hand for the rest of the way.  
They’re going to Sherlock’s home because John’s mom and daddy are away for a few days with Harry.  
“Sherlock, wait up!” Mark runs towards the girls. His clothes are loose and flowy, and his hair almost reaches his shoulders. “Here”, he says and without looking at Sherlock, he gives her a flower. He runs away.  
“That was weird”, John states.  
Sherlock looks at the flower in her hand. A purple violet. “What does that mean?” Sherlock asks John.  
“The flower? It means he likes you, silly”, John giggles. “Do you like him back?”  
Sherlock thinks about it for a moment. “No”, she says. She doesn’t like him that way at all. He’s just a classmate to her.  
John and Sherlock start walking again. The violet is still in Sherlock’s hand. With her other hand she’s holding John’s hand.  
“Do you like someone?” John asks suddenly. She looks at Sherlock.  
“No”, Sherlock answers. It might not be the whole truth, but Sherlock doesn’t feel like telling John about her crush on Jane. “Do you like someone?”  
“Yeah…” John blushes and looks down.  
What? John likes someone? When did this happen? Who is it?  
“Sherlock, are you okay?” John asks.  
“Yeah, why”, Sherlock questions.  
“Because you weren’t answering me and you were just staring into space”, John tells.  
Sherlock feels embarrassed. “Oh. You were saying?”  
“I was talking about Seth. I like him”, John confesses. She seems angry at Sherlock for not listening.  
“Seth Sawyer? Really?” Sherlock asks surprised. Seth is normal boy and John is an extraordinary girl. They just don’t fit together.  
“Yes and I’m going to ask him to be my boyfriend”, John says proudly.  
“Okay. Well I’m happy for you”, Sherlock answers. She tries to sound happy, but she’s not. Seth and John are just not a good couple.  
When Sherlock and John reach the house, mummy opens the door.  
“Hello, girls. How was school today?” Mummy lets the two friends into the house.  
“Fine”, Sherlock answers  
“Okay”, John says.

“Mycroft, can I ask you something?” Sherlock asks one evening. John has gone back to her own house yesterday so she and Mycroft can spend time together. The sisters are sitting on a park bench together. Mummy and daddy wanted them to go outside more.  
Mycroft takes the cigarette out of her mouth and blows out smoke. “Of course, little sister”, she says. Her lips are covered with blood red lipstick, her nails are the same colour. She looks beautiful.  
“I like someone and I don’t know what to do with it”, Sherlock confesses. This is the first time in her life that she’s ever talked about romantic feelings with someone, she realises.  
“I know. Who’s the one?” She answers. She keeps smoking and looks at Sherlock with one eyebrow raised.  
“Does that matter with what I’m supposed to do about my feelings?” Sherlock wonders.  
“No, but I’m nosy. Tell me her name, Sherlock, or do I have to torture you before you tell it”, Mycroft jokes.  
Sherlock laughs. “How do you know it’s a girl? I haven’t said anything about that.”  
“I’ve known you for a long time and you’re not good at hiding anything. You have to practise with lying, you know?”  
“I know”, Sherlock agrees. “Do you know Jane Moriarty?”  
“Jane as in Jennifer Moriarty? Sister of Jadelynn and Juniper Moriarty?”  
“Yes, that’s her. What do I do? She’s always mean to me, but I feel so weird around her. I think she knows. She’s always playing with my feeling; being mean about things that hurt the most, and being kind about the things that I love the most. She’s doing this on purpose!” Sherlock tells. It feels good to get it all off her chest.  
Mycroft listens carefully. She plays with the cigarette in her hand, there’s some lipstick on it. “I think you should ignore this crush. Jane is purposely hurting you. Learn from that. If you show your true emotions, people can do with them whatever they want. They can make you feel better or worse, it’s their choice. The best way to cope with emotions is to not show them, if you have them. To not seem like a robot you can try to have fake feelings. That’s basically lying and that’s something you can easily learn. Why don’t you find someone to practice with? You can choose anyone. Is there someone who likes you at the moment?”  
Sherlock takes a moment to digest this all. Mycroft doesn’t like repeating herself. “There’s a boy who likes me, but I don’t like him. I don’t want to be his girlfriend. That would be playing with his feelings and that’s not good, right?”  
“Your decision”, Mycroft answers.  
Sherlock is quiet for a moment. “There’s a girl in my class who has a crush on you, did you know that?”  
“Yes. She’s seven years younger than me. She send me a card on Valentine’s Day. It was anonymous, but she can’t fool me. Tell her to stop next time you see her, please”, the older sister says.  
“No”, Sherlock laughs.

Mycroft sighs in fake annoyance, but Sherlock can see her eyes twinkling with joy.


	4. Amazing (preteens)

A cold breeze makes Sherlock shiver. She is walking down the street. There’s no one there. Sherlock knows where the other kids are, they’re playing murder at the old oak tree like they always do. Sherlock never wants to play that game with them, but she spies on them sometimes. A car passes, she isn’t totally alone after all.   
A heavy weight lies on Sherlock’s head, shoulders, and chest. It’s been there for a while and Sherlock can’t figure out what it is. It’s hard to describe feelings. Some people seem to have no problem doing it, those people write books and poems, but Sherlock has always had trouble knowing what she feels let alone describing the feeling. A heavy weight, urges to hit and kick things, the urge to scream, an empty feeling, and a sore throat; what could that be? If only there was a way to know. Is there a book about emotions that clearly describes how they feel and what to do with them? If not, Mycroft should write it, she knows how to deal with everything.  
Sherlock turns around the corner and sees the empty playground. Luckily she brought a book. It’s about a detective and his companion, an ex-army doctor. Sherlock sits down on a low wall that separates the playground from the bushes. The stones are hard and cold, but Sherlock doesn’t care. The book is interesting and well written, and as she keeps turning page after page, she loses her sense of time.  
“Look who it is”, a voice says. A shadow falls over Sherlock.  
It’s Caroline.  
Sherlock finishes reading her sentence before she speaks. “It is I, Sherlock.”  
“Whatcha reading?” Caroline picks up the book from Sherlock’s lap. She looks at it. “Well, this is stupid.”  
“Give it back”, Sherlock says with a stern voice. She surprises herself.  
Caroline hadn’t expected it either and looks shocked, but quickly recovers. She pulls her mean-face. “No.”  
The sound of running footsteps, a battle scream, and John jumps from behind on top of Caroline.  
Caroline screams. “Aaaahhhhhhhhhh. Let me go!”  
John holds on tight as Caroline tries to shake her off. “No! Give back what you stole and say sorry!”  
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” The chubby girl throws the book on the ground. John jumps off her back and kicks her in the leg. Caroline runs away.   
“And stay gone!” John laughs.  
Sherlock picks up her book grinning and when she looks at John, she laughs out loud, too. The girls laugh until they’re crying  
“You are amazing”, Sherlock chuckles.  
“Thanks”, John laughs.  
“You want to sleep at my house tonight?” Sherlock asks.  
“Of course! I’ll go ask my mom”.  
“I’ll come with you. My mom will probably be okay with it anyways.”  
“I do have to go to ballet practise, I hope you don’t mind,” Sherlock says hopefully.  
“Do I mind seeing you dance? Never!” John answers.

“You can give that to me”, Sherlock says to John who’s holding a big backpack with her stuff for the sleepover.  
“Oh, thank you Sherlock.” John hands her the bag. It’s not heavy, it’s just big and full.  
John turns around to wave at her mom for the fourth time since they left her house. John’s mom waves back from inside the living room. 

Sherlock lies awake that night. She’s thinking. Thinking about school. She’s going to have to face Caroline again Monday. Will she be worse than normal or will she be scared of her and John? What if she tells someone that John had hurt her? Will John get in trouble? Would anyone believe her and Sherlock?   
The thought of going back to school made Sherlock feel sick.   
“Hey, are you awake?” John whispers.   
Sherlock hears John turn around on the matrass on the floor.  
“Yes”, Sherlock answers.   
“Me too”, John says.  
Sherlock doesn’t answer.  
“Remember when we went to the fair and you won that giant teddy bear for me?”  
“Yes, I do. What about it?” Sherlock asks.  
“Nothing. I just like that memory of us.”  
Sherlock smiles to herself. John is the best friend anyone could ever wish for. Her laughter can make Sherlock’s whole day better. Sherlock loves holding John’s hand, it makes her feel safe. Is it normal to think this way about a friend? This is probably just what platonic love feels like.   
Sherlock closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep.


	5. Boys (preteens)

Jean’s hand is warm and sweaty. Sherlock misses John. Her hand is nice and soft, but John has been acting weird lately. She’s also gone for the weekend, so that’s more reason for Sherlock to miss John.  
“What do you want to do, Sherl?” Jean asks. He looks bored.  
“Do you want to go to the river?” Sherlock suggests. Jean’s nickname for her is terrible, but she has to accept it. Sherlock needs to practice controlling her emotions.  
“And do what? There’s nothing to do there” Jean decides.   
“We could pick flowers?” Sherlock asks a little offended by Jean’s comment.   
“I’m not a girl. I don’t want to pick stupid flowers,” Jean scoffs.   
Sherlock looks at him. She tries to hold back, but the anger unstoppable. “I think it’s time for me to go home.”  
“Oh. Shame. We were having such a good time together. Let’s meet again tomorrow, okay?”   
Sherlock is confused. Is Jean trying to cover up the fact that he’s a douchebag or does he actually think that they had a good time? “Eh, yeah of course. I really like spending time together”, Sherlock lies. She’s not a good liar, but Jean seems to believe her.  
“Bye, Sherl”, Jean says in the most cheesy way possible. He hugs her.  
Sherlock hugs Jean back, but as soon as he lets go she takes a step back. “Bye.”

Sherlock watching telly as the phone rings.   
Mummy answers it. “Willow, it’s for you. It’s John”, she says after a minute or so.  
“My name is Sherlock”, Sherlock answers angrily. She takes the phone and brings it closer to her ear. “Hi, this is Sherlock speaking.”  
“Sherlock! How are you?”  
“I’m good. How are you doing over there? Is it nice?”  
“Yes”, John says. She sounds excited. “I love it here.” There’s some shouting at the other end of the line.  
John talks about how great her trip is, Sherlock is barely listening to her.   
“Of course I miss Seth a lot, but I’ll see him when I get back. I think I’m going to buy him a present, but I don’t know what. What do you think, Sherlock?”   
“Maybe seeds of a special flower? Sherlock suggests.  
“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know if he likes flowers though.”  
“Who doesn’t like flowers?” Sherlock thinks about her afternoon with Jean. He’s the most annoying person she’s ever met. Are all boys like that?  
“Boys don’t like flowers”, says John.  
“Well, I don’t like boys.” It comes out of Sherlock’s mouth before she even realises what it means.  
Luckily John doesn’t notice what Sherlock said because of a loud bang.   
“What was that?”   
“That was Harry. He and my mom are fighting again and he slammed the door shut”.  
Sherlock doesn’t know how to react.  
“I think I’m going to hang up. It seems like my family needs some support right now. Bye Sherlock”.  
“Bye, John. I can’t wait to see you again Monday.”  
John hangs up first. Sherlock listens to the peep-tone.  
“I heard you talking to John”, says Mycroft as she walks in. Her high heels klick on the hard wooden floor. She sits down next to Sherlock on the couch. She smells like smoke and perfume.  
“And?” Sherlock asks. She knows what Mycroft means, but she loves to annoy her sister by asking questions.  
“You don’t like boys, you miss John, John is not interested in your life at all and you have a secret boyfriend that you don’t even like. What are you going to do?”  
“I don’t know”, Sherlock admits. She looks down to her lap. “What would you do?”  
“It doesn’t matter what I would do. I am not you and I am not in your situation”, Mycroft answers.  
“Maybe I should just kill everyone”, Sherlock sighs.  
“I wouldn’t recommend that. Murder is not as much fun as it seems.”  
“How do you know”, Sherlock asks.  
“I once killed a man.”  
“Mycroft Holmes, I do not want that kind of talk under my roof!” Mummy yells. She had just walked in on their conversation and she didn’t like what she heard. “Don’t say things like that. Especially near your sister! Don’t give me that look, young lady! You know how I feel about murder.”  
Sherlock softly giggles to herself.

That evening Sherlock is bored. She draws random flowers in journal in different colours. Sherlock hears Mycroft sigh in the room next to her. Both their bedroom doors are open. She goes to Mycroft’s room and knocks on the door.  
“I’m busy”, Mycroft says without looking up from her study books.  
“I know. May I help you with it?” Sherlock asks.   
Mycroft looks at Sherlock. “Okay, but you probably won’t understand a thing”.  
Sherlock walks to Mycroft’s desk. “I can try. What’s this about?” She points at the pile of notes and books on the desk.   
Mycroft searches through the papers and reads: “Political changes in the Soviet Union made by Stalin”. The older sister brushes a lock of hair out of her face. “What do you know about Stalin?”  
Sherlock thinks for a few seconds. “Joseph Stalin was a dictator in the Soviet Union from mid-1920 until his death in the 1950s”, she answers Mycroft.  
“That’s not much, but you can study with me”, Mycroft decides.  
Together they learn about communism, Russia, the rise and fall of the Soviet Union, and Stalin’s life.  
“You’re a good student, Sherlock. Maybe one day you won’t be an idiot anymore.” Mycroft smiles proudly at her younger sister.  
“Thanks for the half compliment, I ques”, Sherlock answers.  
“I’m done studying for today. Let’s go outside and have a smoke.” Mycroft stands up and grabs her bag.  
“Mummy says you shouldn’t smoke”, Sherlock says.  
“Mummy also says that pink lipstick is better than red, but we both know the truth.” Mycroft laughs. “Come, I’ll teach you how to smoke.”


	6. Hurt (preteens)

Sherlock is sitting on a swing, with her feet on the ground she’s slowly swinging back and forth. She’s bored. The sky is cloudless and the sun in burning hot.  
“Hello, Sherlock”, Jane says as she sits down on the other swing. Her black hair is in a ponytail. There are a few stray locks around her face.  
Sherlock look away. She doesn’t want to stare. “That’s John’s”, Sherlock says, a bit harsher than she wanted.  
“Joan is not here now, is she?”  
Sherlock turns her head and looks at Jane. She tries to remember what Mycroft said: “Jane is purposely hurting you”.  
“No, but she will be back soon”, Sherlock says, she tries to sound confident.  
“Joan won’t come back for a while”, Jane answers Sherlock. Her dark eyes are twinkling.   
“Of course she will come back. She only went home to get food for us.” What did Jane mean? Is John coming back or not?  
“I saw her with Seth. Joan is not your pet, Sherlock. She won’t always follow you around.” Jane smirks.  
Is it true? Did John go with Seth? Did John forget about her? “What do you want from me?” Sherlock is getting angry  
Jane’s smirks widens. “Oh, I don’t want anything from you. I was just bored.” She stands up and walks away. Sherlock watches her go. Jane always acts like she owns the world and that everyone is below her. It might be true. And she has a great ass.  
Sherlock spots Jean who looks lost standing next to the bushes.   
“Sherl!” He yells from the other side of the playground. He runs to the swings. “Hey, babe”, he says.  
Sherlock tries her best not to cringe. “Hello, Jean!” Sherlock says, faking excitement.  
“I have some bad news, Sherl”, Jean says. He holds Sherlock’s right hand with both of his hands. “I’m moving away to Scotland in a few months”.   
Sherlock gasps. “No!” Tears well up in her eyes.  
“Don’t worry, my love. We have a few months together and after that we will write and phone each other every day. I promise.” Jean sounds genuinely sad.  
Sherlock has learned a lot about lying and pretending while being Jean’s girlfriend. She’s learned not to flinch when he touches her, she’s learned to accept and ignore discomfort for the greater good, and overall she’s learned how to be a great liar. Maybe Sherlock is going to miss the boy.

“John, where have you been?” Sherlock asks angrily. She walks to John who’s walking in the middle of the street.  
John starts a sentence, but Sherlock doesn’t let her finish. There’s mud on her clothes and her hair is messy. Her eyes are red. “Caroline”, Sherlock realises, “What did she do to you, John? I’m going to punish her!”  
“I’m fine, Sherlock. Don’t worry”, John says, “Seth was there to help me.”  
Seth? Sherlock feels weird, she’s upset and glad at the same time. “Okay”, Sherlock says, “I’m glad that someone helped you. Now, we need to find out what Jane is up to. She’s been acting weird lately. Come, John”.  
Sherlock turns around and steps forward. John is not following her. She turns around. “Let’s go.”  
John has tears in her eyes. “No! I’m not coming to one of your stupid adventures! Can’t you see that I’m hurt? I want to go home, Sherlock”, She yells.  
“What?” Sherlock doesn’t understand. John said she’s fine, so what’s the problem?   
“Ugh!” John cries out. She walks away with her hands balled in fists.   
Sherlock watches her leave feeling confused.

Sherlock is sitting on the coffee table. Mummy isn’t home, so she can’t tall Sherlock not to sit on tables.  
The phone rings. It’s an unknown number, but Sherlock picks up anyways.  
Before she can say something the person on the other side of the line speaks. “I told you so.” Beep. The person hung up.  
It’s Jane’s voice, Sherlock realizes. How did Jane know about her John’s fight? Is she following Sherlock?  
Sherlock feels upset. She needs to talk to someone. She picks up the phone again and dials Mycroft’s number.  
“Mycroft, I need your help”, Sherlock says when Mycroft answers her phone.  
“Sherlock, I’m busy. You can’t just call whenever you want”, Mycroft moans. She sighs. “What do you need?”  
“John and I are fighting”, Sherlock tells.  
“I’ll fix it. Don’t worry about it. Just wait.”  
“Don’t hurt-” but Mycroft hangs up before Sherlock can say more.  
What is Mycroft going to do? She just wanted her to come home to talk. 

“I fixed your problem”, Mycroft says during dinner.  
“What problem?” Mummy asks.  
“Sherlock’s problem.”  
“What’s wrong, willow? Do you need help with something? Do you want to talk about it?”  
“I don’t have a problem anymore”, Sherlock answers mummy. “What did you do?” Sherlock asks Mycroft.  
“I’ll tell you later. Let’s go outside after dinner. I’m meeting Anthony, I hope you don’t mind”, Mycroft says to Sherlock.  
“I don’t like Anthony”, Sherlock confesses.  
“Why not?” Daddy asks. “He seems like a nice guy to me. He and Mycroft are good friends.”  
Sherlock sighs. “They’re not just good friends. Anthony is a fuckboy and they have sex.”  
“Willow! Don’t say things like that! Your sister is a respectable young lady and Anthony is a very nice boy! Say sorry to Mycroft!” Mummy yells at Sherlock.  
“No, you don’t have to apologise. It’s true”, Mycroft says casually. She puts a spoon full of food in her mouth. She looks like she’s expecting something.  
Mummy and daddy look at her in shock.  
Daddy breaks the silence. “Is Anthony your boyfriend?”  
Mycroft smiles. “No”, she says, “he’s a boy I have sex with sometimes, but he has sex with a lot of girls. He has commitment issues”.  
There’s a silence again.  
“I can’t believe this. You two are not going outside tonight. You’re grounded”, mummy says, “both of you!”  
Sherlock opens her mouth to say something, but Mycroft is faster. “Okay”, she calmly says.  
The younger sister closes her mouth again. What is Mycroft’s plan?

After dinner mummy sends Sherlock and Mycroft to their rooms.  
“Sorry that I messed up your evening”, Sherlock whispers to Mycroft.  
“It’s okay”, Mycroft whispers back. She passes Sherlock a note. When did she write that?  
Mummy pushes the two sisters into their own bedrooms. “There are no boys allowed in these rooms ever again and neither of you can have a boyfriend until you’re eighteen years old! Do you understand?”  
“Yes, mummy”, Sherlock sighs.  
“That’s okay. I’ll just have sex with girls”, Mycroft answers.  
“No girlfriends either!” Mummy is getting really angry. “Just no dating until your eighteen!”  
“Fine, no dating”, Mycroft says. She winks at Sherlock.   
You don’t need to be dating to have sex, Sherlock knows. She laughs to herself and closes her door so she can read Mycroft’s note.  
“Come to my room. Use the window. I know a way out. –MH”  
Mycroft knows a way out without using the door? Curiously Sherlock looks out of her window. She opens it and looks to the left. She sees Mycroft hanging out of her window too.  
“What is your plan?” Sherlock asks.  
Mycroft’s head goes back inside and she comes outside again with a rope. She throws one end of the thick rope to Sherlock. “Tie this to something.”  
Sherlock looks around. She sees the metal pipe that she found on the street a few weeks ago. She picked it up just in case and now she can actually use it. She ties the rope in the middle of the pipe. If she hold the pipe horizontally, it’s too long to fit through the window so the rope is secure on her side.  
“Can I go?” Sherlock asks.  
“Yes”, Mycroft answers.  
Sherlock looks at the rope. How is she going to do this? If she only holds the rope with her hands, she won’t be strong enough to lift her body into Mycroft’s room. She decides to grab the rope with her hands and her feet, and hang underneath the rope. She steps onto the windowsill. One more time Sherlock makes sure the rope is secure. There she goes. As careful as possible, she climbs to Mycroft’s room. Her hands are hot and sweaty.  
“You said you know a way out of the house?” Sherlock starts a conversation.  
“Yes, I’ll go first and show you how to do it and you follow”, Mycroft says to her little sister. She takes a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, a blanket and another rope. Sherlock watches in surprise how her sister ties the rope to the same place as the first rope, a hook hanging from the ceiling that was once used for a hanging plant. Mycroft throws the blanket on the flat roof of the shed, which is right underneath her window. She puts the cigarettes and the lighter in her pocket and jumps. Sherlock gasps and runs to the window to see if Mycroft is okay. The older girl is on the roof of the shed laying on the blanket with two thumbs up.   
“Come. Just jump, I’ll catch you.” Mycroft smiles.  
Sherlock hesitates for a moment, but she knows she can’t go back now. She has to jump. Sherlock takes a deep breath and climbs on the windowsill. She looks down at Mycroft.   
“Jump, Sherlock”, Mycroft encourages.   
Sherlock jumps. For a moment she’s weightless. The sensation of falling is both good and bad and ends way too soon. Sherlock feels her sister’s arms around her body and she feels if blanket under her feet.  
“How was that?” Mycroft asks Sherlock after they sit down on the blanket on top of the shed in their parent’s garden.  
“It was great”, Sherlock says. She breathes happily. “So where will we go now?”  
“We’re going to stay here”, Mycroft answers. She lights a cigarette.  
“I thought that you wanted to go out and see Anthony?”  
“Isn’t it obvious that I’m staying here and that I don’t want to see him?” Mycroft hands Sherlock the cigarette. It feels warm against her fingers. Mycroft taught her how to smoke some time ago. It’s relaxing to breathe in cancer. The death stick in Sherlock’s fingers glows like a star in the night sky.  
Mycroft looks up. A cigarette in the corner of her mouth. “The mind, my young Sherlock, is like the lockers at school. In each locker is a memory or thought. When you put something in a locker carefully, it won’t come out until you open it. Here’s the thing: when you try to put something away in your mind too quickly, the locker will be messy on the inside and the door might not be able close. The memory or thought will keep bothering you. To stop that you need to open the locker and look at the mess you made. You have to think about it again, even if it hurts. You need to fold it up nicely and it will fit the locker. Sometimes to get rid of something, we need to face it. Do you understand?”  
Sherlock frowns. She thinks about what Mycroft just said. “Yeah, I think so.”  
“Always remember this, Sherlock.”


	7. Food (teens)

Sherlock holds John’s hand. The soft fabric of John’s PE clothes brushes against her hand. Her best friend’s skin feels comforting. The taller, brown haired girl is thinking about the English test, they’ll have today.   
“I need to find a new boyfriend”, John says waking Sherlock up from her thoughts.  
“Why?” Sherlock looks at John in confusion.  
“You wouldn’t understand”, John answers.  
“Enlighten me”, Sherlock says.  
“But you’ve never had an actual crush”, John protests.  
Sherlock blushes when she thinks about her first crush: Jane.  
“Will you help me find a new boyfriend?” John looks hopeful. “Please?”  
Sherlock gives in. “Fine. What do you need?”  
John lets go of Sherlock’s hand. “Okay, this is how we’ll do it. I point at a boy and you tell me all you know about him, okay?”  
“Why can’t you just remember people’s names? It’s not that hard.”  
“Just help me, okay?” John looks at a boy walking past the girls. “What about him? Don’t I have math class with him?”  
“Yes, you do. His name is Sander and he’s dating Philly. She gives him blowjobs behind the school during breaks”, Sherlock tells.  
“A little bit too much information, but you did well. I can’t date him. What about that boy over there with his hair in a ponytail?” John nods to Mark who’s trying to hold all his study books in one arm, but fails. The books fall.  
“Never mind, he seems like a weirdo”, John laughs.  
Sherlock tells who he is anyway. “That’s Mark. He lives two streets away from me and gives me flowers every once in a while.”  
“I think he likes you”, John giggles.  
“I think he’s weird”, Sherlock answers.  
The bell rings.   
John sighs. “I have to go training now. What about you?”  
“Chemistry. See you later, John.” Sherlock waves to John as she walks away.  
John waves back. Her half-long hair flowing behind her as she walks away.  
Someone bumps their shoulder into Sherlock’s.  
Sherlock looks to the person who keeps on walking, it’s Jane. She turns around and looks at Sherlock. Her eyes are lined with black make-up and she has her hair in a bun with some loose locks framing her face.  
“See you in class, Willow Sherlock Scott Holmes”, Jane chuckles.   
Sherlock’s heart aches, but she keeps her head up proudly. “See you in class, Jennifer Moriarty.”  
It’s becoming easier to ignore the crush on Jane. Maybe Sherlock is just falling out of love.  
By the time she’s in class, Sherlock’s realised that Jane had stolen her mobile. She wants to play another one of her games.

“Miss Magnussen, come to the front of the room and tell us about the book you’re reading”, Miss Honey orders. Her name might be Honey, but she’s not at all sweet.  
“Yeah, sure”, Caroline says rudely. She walks to the front of the classroom. Her uniform is a size too small. She clears her throat and speaks. “My book is about a stupid bitch who discovers a magical kingdom and her brother sells his siblings up for some Turkish delight, he’s my spirit animal.”  
“Miss Magnussen, do not use that language in my class. Swearing will not get you anywhere in life.”  
Sherlock whispers to John: “I bet she doesn’t even have to go to the principal. Miss Honey never punishes Caroline.”  
John nods. “It’s so unfair.”  
“Miss Holmes, miss Watson, what are you two talking about? Come on, share it with the rest”, miss honey says.  
“We were just talking about our book”, John lies.  
“I that so? What is your book about then?”  
John and Sherlock look at each other. They both haven’t started reading yet.   
“It’s about a girl”, Sherlock says. Her mind is racing, trying to think of a book. Any book. “She falls in love with her best friend, but they can’t be together.”  
Miss Honey looks approving. “And what is that book called?”  
Sherlock looks around her.  
“Flowers!” John says, probably inspired by Sherlock’s doodles all over their notebooks.   
“Okay.” Miss Honey believes Sherlock and John! “Class don’t forget to hand me your paper about your book next week. The bell will ring in a minute so you can pack up and wait at the door.”

Sherlock and John are walking down the cafeteria.   
“I need a cigarette”, Sherlock states. She sighs.   
“Let’s go outside. I know a quiet spot behind the library where we can sit”, John suggest.  
The girls so outside to see if the spot is actually empty. It is. John sits down in the grass and Sherlock leans against the wall.  
“My mom is going to kill me for making grass stains on my uniform”, John sighs. She takes a bag of crisps out of bag. “Do you want some?”  
“No, thank you.”  
“No? Aren’t you going to eat? I know you don’t have lunch with you, Sherlock. I know you well enough.”  
“I don’t need food, I need to think”, Sherlock answers. She lights her cigarette. She breathes in the pre-packaged death. Sherlock’s mind clears. The thoughts that have been bugging her finally leave. Peace and quiet.   
John watches Sherlock smoke for a few minutes. “We totally lied to Miss Honey about the book thing”, she laughs.  
With the cigarette in her mouth, Sherlock answers. “Hell yeah, but we still haven’t picked a book to read. Want to come over to my house after school to search for a book?”  
“Yeah sure, but what do we tell Miss Honey? She thinks we’re reading a book that doesn’t even exist!”  
“We will just tell her that we found a better book”, Sherlock says.   
“Okay. You still need to eat. I know you don’t like to eat when you’re thinking, but you need food to survive”, John tries.  
“No”, Sherlock answers harshly. She looks down at the ground. Food makes her brain go fuzzy.  
“Sherlock, please. Take care of yourself, okay?”  
Sherlock gives in. “I’ll eat after school.”

“Mummy, we’re home!” Sherlock yells. There’s no answer.   
“Guess, she’s not home”, says John. She dumps her bag on the floor in the hall next to her shoes. Sherlock does the same.   
They walk to the living room and look at all the books.  
Sherlock sighs. “Let’s just read Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone and get this over with. We have both read the book and know what it’s about.”  
“Okay, but we should eat something first. You must be starving, I know I am”, John says to Sherlock. She’s trying to get Sherlock to eat.  
“You can have something. I think I’ll wait ‘til we’re finished with the assignment.”  
John sighs loudly. “Fine.” She walks to the kitchen and comes out after a few minutes with a sandwich. The blonde sits down at the dinner table and orders Sherlock to get the book, their notes and a laptop.  
Sherlock does what John says and together they make the assignment. Afterwards they watch Glee and Sherlock eats a whole package of gummy bears.


	8. Yes (teens)

Sherlock is focused on her work. She solves problem after problem. Math may not be her best subject, but definitely not her worst either.  
The door of the classroom opens. Mister Tyler steps in and clears his throat. “Willow Holmes? Is Willow here?”  
Sherlock slowly raises her hand. “Yes?”  
“Ah there you are. I want you to come to my office right now.”  
Sherlock stands up and puts her books and pens in her bag. She and John look at each other. They’re both worried. What would Mister Tyler want?  
Sherlock follows the tall man to his office on the second floor.  
Mister Tyler sits down at his desk and he signs that Sherlock should sit down too. She puts her next to her.  
“Willow, I wanted to talk to you about something important”, Mister Tyler starts.  
Sherlock looks at the papers on his desk to see if she can deduce what the conversation could be about.  
“I prefer to be called Sherlock”, Sherlock says. She sees a paper with her name on it, on it are her test results of the last few months. All scores are above 90%, sometimes even 100%.  
Mister Tyler chuckles. “Okay, Sherlock. I’m sorry if I scared you. Nothing’s wrong. The opposite actually! Your school results are outstanding and we, the school, want to give you an opportunity”, Mister Tyler explains.  
Sherlock is confused. “An opportunity?”  
“Yes, I send your parents an e-mail about it but I want to tell you this myself. This school is a part of a project that builds schools in the USA, Canada, Australia and the UK. You probably know this already. Something you may not know is that we sometimes let students travel to other countries to get new experiences and learn new things. This is not just for any student. This is just for brilliant teens like you.  
We have a school in Sidney with a free spot, if you see where I’m going.” Mister Tyler smiles.  
Sherlock takes a moment to digest this all. “So you’re saying I can go there? For how long? And when?”  
“If you want to and your parents say yes, then you will go next spring and you’ll stay for three months. You can stay at another student’s home or at a hotel. If you say student, the school will carefully pick someone you could be friends with. The school will cover a lot of expenses like the plane tickets and school lunches, we won’t pay for your hotel. It’s okay if you want to think about this all and talk to your parents before you make a decision. I want your answer next Friday.”  
Sherlock let’s out her breath. She didn’t even realise she was holding it. “I can’t believe it. Thank you, sir. I’ll think about it and you’ll get my answer soon.”  
“All right, Sherlock. You can go now.” Mister Tyler smiles friendly.  
“Okay. Thank you again”, Sherlock says. She walks out of the office. Sherlock relieved she’s not in trouble.   
What a chance! Going to Australia sounds amazing.   
Just before Sherlock can reach her classroom again, the bell rings. All door in the hall way burst open and students stream outside, off to the freedom. Sherlock searches for John. She sees the smaller girl standing on her tiptoes, looking for something or someone.   
John spots Sherlock. “Hey, Sherlock! Over here!”  
“John! I have something amazing to tell you.” Sherlock runs to her friend.  
“You’re not in trouble?”  
“No, Mister Tyler wanted to speak to me about my test results. Apparently I’m brilliant?”  
John and Sherlock start walking to their lockers. “You know you’re brilliant, Sherlock. Don’t pretend you’re not always dragging. What’s the news you wanted to tell me?”  
Sherlock stops in front of her locker and looks at John. “The school offers me a trip to Australia for new experiences! How amazing is that?”  
John’s mouth falls open. “That’s great, but when and for how long? Do you go all by yourself? Where will you stay? Are your parents okay with it? Oh, my god. I can’t believe it. I’m so happy for you, Sherlock!” John gives Sherlock a big and tight hug. Sherlock embraces John tightly.  
“I have to talk about it with my parents, but if they say yes then I will go. I’ll be gone for three whole months”, Sherlock says.  
John doesn’t say anything.

“No!” Mummy yells.  
“Yes!” Sherlock yells back.  
“No!” Mummy yells even louder.   
“If she wants to go, let her go!” Daddy barks at mummy.  
“Three months in a strange country all by herself? No!”  
“Please, mummy. I really want to. Daddy’s okay with it. Why won’t you ever let me do something fun?” Sherlock screams at mummy. She storms out of the living room, slamming the door shut behind her. She runs up the stairs as loud as possible and walks into Mycroft’s room.  
“Mummy won’t let you go?” Mycroft asks. She’s sitting at her desk with some papers in front of her.  
Sherlock wants to open her mouth to say something, but only a sob comes out. She sits down on the floor and starts crying.  
Mycroft sighs and puts down her schoolwork. “Don’t cry, Sherlock. What good has it ever done to you? Nothing, so stop crying and do something about your problem”, says Mycroft looking annoyed. She stands up and walks to Sherlock. Mycroft puts her hand on Sherlock’s chin and forces her to look at the tall girl. “Come on, little sister. You’re not five years old anymore. Dry your tears and face your problem. Deep breath. Good. Now stand up. Yes. Now wash your face, because you look like an idiot.”  
Sherlock does everything Mycroft told her to do and she does feel a little better after it.   
“I’m going to Australia,” Sherlock says determined. She’s made the decision and she doesn’t care what mummy says.  
Mycroft smirks. “Don’t tell me that, go tell mummy.”

That night Sherlock can’t sleep. Mummy said she can go to Australia and she’s started calling her Sherlock. It feels weird, Sherlock is leaving her childhood behind. She feels like she’s too to travel to new places by herself, but she wants to go. She doesn’t feel old enough to be her age. Does that make sense? No, nothing makes sense these days. Sherlock looks at the time, 2 AM. It is cold and Sherlock feels lonely. She wants someone to hold her. On Sherlock’s nightstand lays a dead flower, it’s been there for a few months and the colour has faded. She and John used to give each other flowers all the time. They don’t do that anymore. A wave of nostalgia and sadness hits Sherlock. She misses the old times when everything was easy. A tear escapes Sherlock’s eye.   
With a sigh she gets out of bed. She needs a smoke.


	9. Snow (teens)

Sherlock rings the doorbell of John’s house.   
Harry is the one to open the door. He’s wearing all black, and his black and red hair hangs in front of his face. “Sherlock, come in”, Harry says with a heavy, sad voice. Sherlock notices messy black make-up around his eyes.  
“Thank you, Harry. I’m here to see John”, Sherlock says as polite as possible. She’s never really comfortable at John’s home.  
“John is ill”, says Harry. He lets Sherlock come inside and closes the door behind her.  
“I know. I’m here to take care of her”, Sherlock tells while taking off her coat and scarf.  
“Okay. You know where her room is.” Harry walks away to his room.  
Sherlock goes to John’s room. She knocks on the door.  
John sounds sick when she asks who the one who knocks is.  
“It’s Sherlock”, Sherlock answers John’s question.  
John tells Sherlock to come in.  
The blonde is sitting on her bed, wrapped in a blanket with a box of tissues next to her. “I’m so glad you’re here, but I’m afraid I’ll make you ill too”, she says weakly.  
“Don’t worry about that”, Sherlock says. She tries to smile, but it hurts to see her best friend like this. There’s a silence. “That sweater is terrible.”  
John looks at her sweater. “I know, that’s why I love it. I have six sweaters and they’re all ugly.” John chuckles and Sherlock rolls her eyes jokingly.   
“Shall I make you soup?” Sherlock offers when she has nothing else to say.  
“Yes, please”, John says thankfully.

“Here you go”, Sherlock says as she hands John the bowl of chicken soup. She hopes its okay, she a terrible cook.   
John spoons up some soup and tastes it. “Thank you, Sherlock.” The smaller girl smiles. “Come sit next to me”, she offers.  
Sherlock hesitates for a moment. “Okay.” The tall girl sits down on John’s bed.   
John moves closer until she leans against Sherlock. “You’re warm”, John says as explanation.   
Sherlock smiles. She can’t help it. Sometimes the thought of physical contact makes her feel sick, sometimes she wants nothing more than to be held. Sherlock barely has experience with touching, but it feels great to have someone so close to you. Especially when that person close to you is John, a beautiful and kind girl.   
The air is filled with things that should be said. There’s a pen lying on John’s desk chair. The outside world looks cold. The sky is white and cloudy, and there’s no one out. There are no people or birds, even the cats would rather stay inside. Everything seems calm and peaceful, but Sherlock knows better. Someone in one of the houses on John’s street might be in pain or in need of help. Sherlock and Mycroft once wondered around the neighbourhood and Mycroft pointed at every house and told her little sister everything she knew about that house and its owners. Sherlock remembers all the stories of abuse, divorce and murder. Nothing was ever same again. Every person she sees, she now knows, has a secret past.   
“I’m going to miss you when you’re gone”, John says, waking Sherlock up from her thoughts.  
Sherlock looks at John, who sits up a bit. She brushes some hair out of her face. “I’m going to miss you too”, Sherlock says.  
John looks down and bites her lip. She sighs and puts her head on Sherlock’s collarbone.   
Sherlock didn’t say anything for a while. “John?”  
“Yeah?”  
“There’s something I should say. I meant to say it, always, and I never have. Since I’ll leave soon and we won’t see each other for a long time I might as well say it now.” Sherlock takes a deep breath. “Sherlock is actually a boy’s name.”  
John, whose been holding her breath, chuckles. Her eyes are filled with tears. She closes her eyes and within a few minutes, the small girl falls asleep.

John’s mom walks in. “Sherlock, are you staying for dinner?”  
“No, ma’am. I have to be home at 6 o’clock”, Sherlock answers politely. She and John are sitting on the floor in John’s bedroom. They’re both reading.  
John’s mom nods. “Okay. John are you warm enough? You need to stay warm when you’re ill.”  
“Yes, mom. I’m fine”, John sighs.  
“Okay, honey.” John’s mom steps into the room and gives John a kiss on her head. “Sherlock, not that I want you to leave but you better go. Its quarter to six and the roads are slippery.”  
Sherlock looks at the clock. “Yes, thank you. John, I’m going home.” Sherlock stands up and waves at John.  
“Bye, Sherlock. I’ll see you at school”, John says to Sherlock.  
Sherlock gives John a last look before she leaves the room. John’s mom just game home from doing groceries, but she also met her secret lover. Her lipstick is a too perfect and her blouse is a bit wrinkled near her hips. Her hair is a little messy too.

While walking home Sherlock gets a text.  
Jane: ‘Saturday 8 pm the old oaktree X JM’  
Sherlock looks at the message. What does she want now?  
Sherlock: ‘What if I say no?’  
Jane: ‘You won’t’  
Sherlock: ‘Just tell me what you want’  
Jane: ‘Not over text’  
Sherlock sighs out loud. Jane can be so annoying.  
Sherlock: ‘Fine, I’ll come’  
Jane: ‘Can’t wait XX’  
XX? What is that supposed to mean?   
Sherlock keeps walking down the quiet street. There’s no one else there. If someone were to attack her, there would be no one to help her.   
The sun is setting and the street lights turn on. It’s cold. This moment reminds Sherlock of her birthday. She doesn’t like it when there’re too many people around so she only invited John. She said she couldn’t come because she’s meeting her boyfriend, but that Sherlock could have fun with her other friends. Sherlock lied to her parents that she was having a party somewhere else, so they wouldn’t worry about her. There was no party, no other friends and nowhere for Sherlock to be, so she had just wandered the streets with snow falling in her curly hair, and icy wind blowing in her face. That was the saddest birthday she’s ever had. She’d never smoked that much in one day.

“Mummy, daddy, I’m going out!” Sherlock yells before leaving the house.  
Mummy runs downstairs to the hall. “Where are you going? Did you pack your bag for tomorrow yet?”  
“Yes, mummy, I packed my bag”, Sherlock sighs in annoyance. She just wants to go to the old oak tree to see Jane. Why is mummy being so annoying? “I’m just meeting a friend before I leave, okay?”  
Mummy smiles sadly. “Okay. You’re so grownup, love. Be careful, okay? It’s already dark.” She kisses Sherlock on her cheek.  
“Yes, mummy. Bye.”  
Sherlock closes the door and begins her journey to the park near the school. She lights a cigarette. The smoke warms her up in this extraordinary cold February. 

When Sherlock arrives, she sees that Jane is already there. She’s leaning against the tree and is looking at her phone. The blue light illuminates her pale face and long black hair.  
“Ah, good, you have cigarettes. Would you mind giving me one?” Jane puts her mobile away and smirks at Sherlock.  
“Tell me what you want first”, Sherlock demands.  
“What I want is a cigarette.”  
“You know what I mean”, Sherlock groans. The cold is biting her fingers and nose.  
Jane comes up to Sherlock. She chuckles as she puts her arms around the skinny girl. A million thoughts race through Sherlock’s head. Her body is frozen. As Jane lets go Sherlock realizes that she just stole her cigarettes and lighter.  
“Give that back.” Hot anger fills Sherlock and pricks behind her eyes. She’s never been good at hiding tears.  
“Maybe later”, Jane laughs. She lights a cigarette. The flame gives off a little light in the dim park, the nearest streetlight is more than fifteen feet away.   
Sherlock must admit: Jane looks hot when she smokes. Her soft pink lips kiss the suicide and gracefully blow out the smoke for the rest of the world to enjoy. The smoke rises to the cloudy sky and fades away, Jane’s black eyes shine with need for more.  
‘Stayin’ Alive’ fills the atmosphere. It is so sudden that Sherlock almost laughs, almost.  
Sherlock is about to say that Jane should pick it up when Jane says: “This is the problem. The final problem: staying alive. So boring, isn’t it?” She turns the mobile off and throws it away. “All my life I’ve been searching for distractions. You were the best one and now I don’t even have you! You’re leaving and you know what? I’m not even going to miss you! Now I have to go back and play with ordinary people. Oh well. Did I make you wonder if I was going to kill you? Did I get you?”  
“The old oak tree.” Sherlock realizes. This is the place where they used to play ‘murder’. Well, the others did, Sherlock secretly watched them play.   
“Good girl, you realise. I was almost afraid you wouldn’t get the joke”, Jane chuckles.  
Is Jane going to kill Sherlock? Is she that mad?  
“I’m not going to kill you, Sherlock. I’m disappointed in you! How can you even think that?” Jane puts on a fake pouty face. She steps towards Sherlock. Within a second, Sherlock is against the tree, Jane’s hands on either side of her head.  
What? What is going on? Sherlock’s heart is racing, her palms are sweaty. Sherlock can hear her Jane’s heavy breathing.   
Jane speaks again. “You were always spying on us whenever we were here. Did you think that nobody would see you? Did you really? I’m disappointed in you, Sherlock! How did I know where you are and what you’re doing all the time? Simple. You are tall, noticeable, and I have my people spread around town. You only have yourself and your pet, John! You always want drama, but life isn’t about drama!”  
“You’re one to talk.” Sherlock takes the cigarette out of Jane’s mouth. Her heart is beating in her throat. “I believe this is mine”, she says as steady as possible.  
Smoking Jane’s cigarette, Sherlock turns around and walks away.  
As soon as she’s left the park, tears start to fall.


	10. Mobile (teens)

Sherlock looks in the mirror. She looks older than she remembers, like an actual teenager instead of a child pretending to be one. Her brown curls fall over her shoulders messily, just how she likes it. Outside the rain falls. Sherlock looks at her outfit one last time, a black pencil skirt with a white blouse. Sherlock sighs. Anxiety and excitement have been growing in Sherlock’s chest since her parents told her she can go, it feels like a balloon that could pop any moment.  
Today is the day.  
There’s a knock on the door. “Sherlock, are you ready to go?” It’s mummy.  
“Yes, mummy”, Sherlock says. She looks at her reflection in the mirror and nods. She’s ready.  
Mummy, daddy, and Mycroft are standing in the front yard with Sherlock’s duffle bags. Sherlock herself is only holding her handbag.   
Mummy is softly crying. “Oh, Sherlock. I can’t believe this is happening. My little girl so grownup and mature. Do you have your mobile? And your charger? Will you call us? Do you have the contact information of the girl? What was her name again? And what about underwear? Do you have enough? Do you think you need more money? Do you have your plane tickets?”   
“Mummy, stop freaking out. I have double checked everything”, Sherlock comforts her.   
Mummy pulls Sherlock in for a tight hug. She sighs. “I love you, Honey.” Mummy gats big eyes like she always does when she has a ‘good’ idea. “Let’s take a picture to remember this moment!”  
Before Sherlock can give a reaction mummy has pulled out her camera and has taken the photo. “Aww you look lovely, Sherlock.”

The drive to the airport is surprisingly quiet. Daddy drives and puts his hand on mummy’s knee whenever he can to comfort her and sometimes quietly swears, Mycroft is focused on something on her mobile, and Sherlock rereads the paper with information about the girl she’ll be staying with for three months. Her name is Ivy Gif and she’s sixteen years old. In the picture Sherlock can see that she has red hair and green eyes. The school picked her as Sherlock’s ‘buddy’. Sherlock has been told that Ivy is smart, friendly, and helpful. She and her parents are going to pick Sherlock up from the airport in Sidney and then drive her to their house where she’ll stay for as long as she’s there.

Once in the plane Sherlock calms down a bit. She’s save, in the right plane, and almost on her way to a new life. Sherlock has a window seat so she can easily look outside. The typical British weather makes it harder to leave, it won’t rain as much in Australia as it does in the UK.   
A man sits down next to Sherlock. He has short jet black hair, piercings, and a lot of tattoos all over his arms, neck, and hands.  
The man holds out his hand. “Hi. My name is Andy”. He has an American accent and his voice is probably the deepest voice Sherlock has ever heard.  
Sherlock shakes the man’s hand. His fingernails are yellowed. Smoker. “I’m Sherlock”, she says. They’re going to sit next to each other for the whole flight so she might as well be nice.  
“Are you traveling all by yourself?”   
“Obviously”, Sherlock answers. “And you?”  
“Yeah.” The man smiles as if he’s telling a funny story. “My bandmates are already in Australia, but I wanted to be with my girlfriend for a little longer”.  
“That’s nice”. Sherlock looks out of the window and wishes John were here. She misses her already.  
Andy talks a little bit but soon realizes Sherlock is not interested in his story and shuts up.   
Sherlock puts her hand in her bag to get her mobile. It isn’t there. Panic fills her chest as she searches through the bag but her mobile wasn’t there. She searches for her mobile in her lap and then on the floor.  
Andy looks at her with furrowed eyebrows. “Is there something wrong?”  
“I lost my mobile”, Sherlock says looking under her seat.  
“You lost your cell?” Andy asks. He looks on the floor. “Where did you last see it?”  
Why are Americans so weird with their ‘cell’? “I don’t remember.” The whole day had been such a mess, she honestly doesn’t remember when she had last seen her mobile.  
With tears in her eyes Sherlock gives up after a few minutes of searching. Did she have her mobile with her in the car? Yes. Did she have her mobile while boarding the plane? She didn’t check. It must still be at the airport. She’s never going to see that thing again.


End file.
